Sunday, October 2, 2011

Letting Go of the Outcome

That is a hard one. I ran into a brick wall on that one yesterday. I am putting in the foot work on my internship for school and I am not getting any response. My frustration level is through the roof and my panic mode is now set at destructible. I wanted to drink yesterday. I knew I wouldn't but that feeling of want was frightening. I can tell you that I did a feelings check and I felt rejected and like a loser and it reverts back to school. The internship and the math class. For those not in the know, the math is getting extremely hard and confusing right now.

My husband felt kind of helpless as I sat in the living room blubbering like an idiot. So, emergency call to sponsor. She was not available at the moment but she called right back. We discussed the possibility maybe what I am trying for may not be what it is I am supposed to be doing. The right assignment will come along. I do feel like I am forcing it. So do the footwork and let go of the outcome. Do the next right thing. She did ask what am I doing to take care of myself; my sobriety. Of that I will be more diligent. Called a friend in the program. I get lifted so much.

Start new today.

“Show up, pay attention, speak your truth and have no investment in the outcome”