Saturday, March 5, 2011

"Unwritten"

I was driving down the road the other day and this song came on. I have heard it many times before and never really listened to the words before. But all of a sudden the words just jumped out at me and I heard them for the first time. Take a listen. They might jump out at you too.

"Unwritten"
Natasha Bedingfield

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, yeah, yeah

Wednesday, March 2, 2011


Mama's Southern Lullabys

This is just shortened versions of the songs my mama sang to me as a baby. I also sang them to my children. You can find the full lyrics by googling the titles. Are there any special songs your mama sang to you?

Shortenin Bread

Mama's little baby loves shortenin' shortenin'
Mama's little baby loves shortenin' bread
Mama's little baby loves shortenin' shortenin'
Mama's little baby loves shortenin' bread

Cotten Fields

When I was a little bitty baby
My mama would rock me in the cradle
In them old cotton fields back home
It was down in Louisiana
Just a mile from Texarkana
In them old cotton fields back home

Oh when those cotton bolls get rotten
You can't pick very much cotton
In them old cotton fields back home



Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Celebrity Insanity

Is Charlie Sheen bipolar or not? In recent interviews with NBC and ABC, he is showing signs of grandiosity, a classic symptom of bipolar disorder. In reference to how he got sober; "I closed my eyes and made it so with the power of my mind," he told NBC.

As far as AA goes; AA, according to Sheen, "was written for normal people, people that aren't special. People that don't have tiger blood, you know, Adonis DNA." Which he, presumably, has. How does he feel about people who relapse? "Fools. Trolls. Weak. Defeated. They allowed defeat to be an option."

This feeling of grandiosity along with the sexual prowess, alcohol and drug abuse, pressured speech, anger and irritability are all symptoms of bipolar.

As far as AA goes; AA, according to Sheen, "was written for normal people, people that aren't special. People that don't have tiger blood, you know, Adonis DNA." Which he, presumably, has. How does he feel about people who relapse? "Fools. Trolls. Weak. Defeated. They allowed defeat to be an option."

I also had (and sometimes still do!) a shopping addiction. Extravagant spending is not uncommon among bipolars. We will probably not know whether Sheen has one or not due to his extreme wealth. As of right now, he appears he does not have to worry about bankruptcy.

The one special aspect of bipolar disorder is that what goes up must come down. So if Mr. Sheen is bipolar or this mania is due to alcohol and drug abuse, we will know in due time.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Masks

A factory worker makes carnival masks in Rio de Janiero for Carnival. Wouldn't it be fun to dress up and put on a mask and pretend to be someone else? How many of us do that everyday?

I wore so many masks that I forgot who I really was. I had the mask of addiction and the masks of bipolar. Sometimes I even took on the identities of the people I fell in love with. I was a shell of a person.

Until I got sober this time did I really take a good look and see what was really there. Someone who has made mistakes in the past but still a good person with room for growth. I have forgiven myself and can now move forward.

I don't have to wear masks today. Today I wear my true face. It shows peace, serenity, hope, and love.




We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves. ~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

Sunday, February 27, 2011

AA Doesn't Work

A.A. DOESN’T WORK

One of the saddest statements I have ever heard is, "I’ve been to A.A. and it doesn’t work."

There is no way I can count the number of times over the past couple of decades I have found an alcoholic coming off a drunk who made that statement. Just today, one of my protégés called to tell me of a man, holed up in a cheap motel room, he was asked to locate and see if he could help him.

My protégé was successful in locating the suffering alcoholic and did what he had been instructed to do on a Twelve Step call. He told him some of the story of his drinking and how he had come to know it to be an illness over which he had no control nor did the medical profession have a solution.

The suffering alcoholic finally said, "You’re going to try to tell me about A.A. aren’t you?" Jake said, "That is where I found my solution. "The sick one said, "I have gone to A.A. meetings for the last eight 8 months and did what they told me to do. It doesn’t work for me."

Jake asked, "Did you take the Steps with a sponsor who had been blessed with a spiritual experience as the result of having taken the Steps?"

The sick one said, "I think I did but the main thing they told me was just keep coming back and you’ll be OK. When I asked what else I should do, I was told, Don’t drink and keep on going to more meetings. I did what they told me to do and A.A. just doesn’t work."

A member of Alcoholics Anonymous found me near death in 1964 and told me he could help me. He said to me, "I understand. I have been where you are and I want to help you if you will let me." I was willing to do anything.

He took me to his A.A. club and began sobering me up on orange juice with some honey mixed in it. When I began having delirium tremens, they added some Bay Rum to the mixture.

There were no treatment centers in our area at that time and hospitals would not admit us for alcoholism. We either shook and sweat it out in jail or at an A.A. club. By far, most of them made it to the end sober or they still are.

I wasn’t one of them. I saw an opportunity to return my ego to its earlier level by getting involved in a new and exciting profession and so I went for it. Sixteen years after my last drink; 11 years after my last meeting, on a day without a cloud in the sky, I thought having a beer would be a good idea, so being in a very dry county, I drove 70 miles for a six-pack. It took me 2 years to make it back to Alcoholics Anonymous very, very drunk.

But what a difference 13 years can make! There were no alcoholics laying around the club with dry heaves. There were no blood shot eyes, sweating faces, no vibrating bodies, the aroma of alcoholism was missing.

There was no orange juice in the refrigerator nor honey near the coffee pot. There was no Bay Rum in the file cabinet. It was no longer needed because almost everyone had gone to treatment and been medicated through the process of what is termed de-tox. They had missed those wonderful golden moments of the misery, suffering and pain of sobering up. At first, I thought the new approach was good but then I began to see the results. There was less and less commitment to the group and the action necessary for long term emotional sobriety was being ignored.

There were very few Big Book study or speaker meetings but a large number of discussion/participation meetings where everyone was given an opportunity to talk about whatever was on their mind whether on not they knew anything about alcoholism or recovery from alcoholism.

There were even non-alcoholics participating in these meetings. This newer approach of learning to live with alcoholism was beginning to prove to be a dismal failure.

I heard a tape of Joe McQ. and later attended a weekend of Joe McQ. and Charlie P. presenting their Big Book Comes Alive program. It then became very clear why so many were returning to the bottle. Not only were we without sick alcoholics laying around the meeting places, there was so little program in our meetings, it was almost hidden from the newcomers. No wonder so few were finding more than a few months of physical sobriety. They were denied what is required for long term emotional sobriety.

Without the sick alcoholics laying round the meeting place, I had to find a place where I could again see and smell alcoholism. I needed a frequent reminder of where I came from and what was waiting for me if I didn‘t continue to pay the price for emotional sobriety.

Over the years since I have been blessed to have been given another opportunity to survive the deadliest disease known to mankind, I have volunteered in many wind-up places where those coming off a drunk are present and available to talk with. Again and again, I heard that sickening statement, "I went to A.A. and it doesn’t work."

Of course, they are right. Alcoholics Anonymous does not work! We must work it! But they were not told the truth. My basic text reads, "Rarely, have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path" The path being the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous as outlined in a book titled Alcoholics Anonymous.

My basic text does not read, "Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of don’t drink and go to meetings." It reads, "Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and practice these principles in all our affairs."

Our real problem is ego driven sponsorship with very little if any real concern for the welfare of the newcomer. Proclaimed members of our fellowship who have never taken the Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous will assume the responsibility for the life of a newcomer and will proudly announce the number of sponsees they have.

As one of my dear friends said, "The manner in which we now fail our responsibility to the newcomer borders on slaughter."

The demise of our sense of responsibility to those seeking help for alcoholism is one of the greatest tragedies of our time in history.

It works only if we work it (working all 12 Steps, meetings/fellowship, and being of service expecting nothing in return)!

Cliff B.